Sunday, September 25
so much for my decision to be hardworking. started studying demand and supply today. no you didn't misread that statement. demand and supply. how i'm going to finish studying for monday, i have no clue. 3/4 of my subs are in shambles, and the last sub is near the edge between life and death.
i used to sing 'God will make a way' whenever i felt that things were beyond my control. He always made a way, somehow. can i trust Him to do so once more? i wish i could say with all the confidence of a godly person that He will. but i'm not right with God. maybe i never was. the preacher today said something about your having to be right with God to have powerful prayers. when i heard that, i thought, oh hell, why bother? i'm doomed anyway.
i feel a sore throat coming on. and a cough. this is what i get for eating The Love of my life 5 days in a row. -wheezes-
played the piano for 2 hours again today. my fingers are swollen now. not just the tips, which hurt a little. i mean the muscles along the sides. now i'm going to get fat swollen muscular fingers. but they're kind of soft. argh i give up trying to figure my fingers out.
isn't it stupid to look back and say, hell i wasted all my time, and all for nothing. you really don't get much in return for mooning around. all that happens is that you get bad grades and feel terrible about yourself and end up nowhere. so really, the muggers are the smart ones, not those of us who spend all our time doing stupid things like eating and reading and playing the piano. because in the end it gets you nowhere. and stupidest of all are those who sacrifice their grades, whether willingly or not, for the sake of that irresistable desire to be irresistably desired, called love.
i conclude that i am a fool.
it must've been love.
7:16 pm
xoxo
